What Was All the Fuss About?

Well it has been a long time since I blogged. (I know, I can hear the weeping). But here is a fun fact: I lost 20 pounds. That's right, 20 pounds. How did I do it, you ask? Ancient Chinese secret: eat less, exercise more. And I am easily on my way to losing another 20. I am going to be a skinny bitch!! (or normal size, depending on your perspective). My motivation? Large doses of high blood pressure meds. Just not fun to be on.....so I started to lose. I am doing yoga, and although not able to kiss my own butt yet, I certainly have maintained my flexibility over the years allowing me to do full extensions of all the poses. That helps. I still walk. But mostly, I just stick less in the ol' pie hole.

There are some fun things about losing weight.

1) Fitting into old clothes that are no longer stylish, have dust on them and generally look like crap....but hey! they fit.

2)Feeling like you are way younger then you really are. (I still have a pot, I still have wrinkles, but it is easier to pretend that I am actually 26).

3)The Spanks no longer cut off circulation to my brain.

4)Sucking in your gut while standing actually looks like it makes a difference.

5)Bending over to tie your shoes no longer needs to be categorized as exercise AND

6)You get even closer to the possibility that Gerard Butler will ask you out on a date.

All 'n all, losing the weight just wasn't that hard. What was all the fuss about?!

Who took my core?!

I did it, I survived Yoga for Abs! I did discover that I have no core. None. I am not sure where I put it. It may have slipped off and under my bed. It may be left in a pair of my jeans from the 90's. Actually, I am pretty sure it is still in an unpacked box in my basement, leftover from our move to this house. Wherever it has gone, I was missing it today. Stretching and bending still felt amazing, and I didn't even smell one stinker fart in the whole place!

Getting sweaty today was also another great feeling. And not the hot flash kind, but the body is working hard kinda sweaty. It is a great way to feel alive, and to get some toxins out of your system. My favourite yoga is called Shivinanda yoga and follows a cycle of positions that seem keep you bending backwards and forwards at a nice slow place. Also gets your chakras going!  (I am not sure what my chakras are, or where I would find those either....possibly in the bottom of my underwear drawer all scrunched up in a ball with a dryer sheet and my core). Shivinanda yoga has some chanting in Hindu......which I enjoy as spewing out nonsense (in any language) is very enjoyable to me:)

On the fore front of the war of fat on me, I am not only doing yoga but stepping up my walks (pun intended). I am now enjoying only one or two crack lattes a week and I am recording what I eat. Simple? Easy peasy.

I am Baaaaack!

Wow. How long has it been? Here we are in September and a friend reminded me last night that I have a blog. And that I need to write in it. I told her that it was uninspiring to me to write about being fat. And not really doing anything about it. Being fat or 'heavy' or 'chunky' or 'out of shape' or whatever you want to call it is boring. So is falling on your face a lot and having to write about it. So I am going to write about something else (and throw in a few posts about weight loss as well). I have other aspects of my life that are mildly amusing to down right hysterical....at least in my mind. Tomorrow, I am doing my first yoga class in four years. That ought to be a gas......literally. A fart fest. Ever been to a yoga class with middle aged women who have all had babies? Total lack of control on everyone's part in regards to their flatulance. I, personally, wouldn't eek out a toot even if it meant burping it out later, but that is not everyone's choice or ability. I am doing 'Yoga for Abs' class. Bit presumptous on my part, assuming that I have some. It should be titled; 'Yoga That Will Cause Pain In Your Midrif Area, Please Do Not Eat Anything 24 Hours Prior To This Class' class. Worst fear: I end up in a class of 20 somethings and I get stuck in the front burping out my own farts :P

Dear Blog:

Dear Blog: I am sorry I have not been spending time with you. I have broken the number one rule for owning a blog and that is spending time with it each and every day. It is not you, it's me. I have been so busy, Dear Blog, that I have barely had any time to just sit and think. It is true! I have volunteered for a school bbq, had non-stop guests in my home, worked a lot,  gone to Las Vegas, tracked down Osama Bin Laden......okay, maybe that last one is a wee bit of a lie. But I have been very busy, honest! I know, that if we are going to make this work, I need to pay more attention to you, and I am willing to try.

So all you want to know about is Vegas? Really? I swear I never wrote any other blogs while I was there. I may have twittered a bit, and I did use facebook once or twice, but it was nothing serious, honest! And those short blurbs I managed to get out meant nothing to me. I kept thinking about you, and how neglected you must feel. Now that life has slowed down some, I have re-committed to spending more time with you.

My eating has not been so good. Vegas was a shmorgazborg of non-stop food and booze. I didn't gain any weight but have spent three days trying to detox my body. I have made some health decisions that I think are important to share with you: I am cutting out chai lattes and sugar in general. I have been enjoying iced tea with stivia in the morning and, so far, so good. I am upping my fruits and veggies. I have decided to start chewing. (I came to the realization in Vegas that I don't really chew, I just get my food small enough to get down the pipe). Actually doing a sit up may be in my near future. Doing yoga again seems possible.

You may not care about any of this Dear Blog. But I want you to know I still love you, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make this work. Unless, of course, I get too busy or I forget.

Just Singin' in the Rain

Rainy day. I will still be walking for two hours in it. I don't really mind walking in it, it is the doggie clean up afterwards. Walking means mud, and lots of it.

I decided not to get back on The Diet today, for a variety of reasons. My favourite being I like to procrastinate and I forgot to re-read what I was supposed to be eating. My back up lame excuses are that I am just finishing my period; I don't have the right groceries; I have a child home sick from school; I had a lousy sleep last night and last but not least; because it is raining. If anyone else can chip in with an excuse, either lame or otherwise, it would be appreciated. So even though standing on the scale this morning was hideous, I am determined not to let panic seep through my veins and accept that today is just not the re-start day I had predicted it would be.

Off I go, just singin' in the rain!

Happy Easter! I Have a Chocolate Hangover.

Yes, it has been awhile since my last blog. I've been busy. Eating. MASSIVE quantities of chocolate. (I feel like that bunny in the "Hop" movie......that I  can poop candy. 'Cause I ate so much!). I have been walking less. Basketball is over so I am missing that exercise. All of this is apparent when I put on my jeans. A painful experience that I had to choose between hanging it over or tuckin' it in. Aarghhh! Vegas is 6 weeks away and I need to get into my swimsuit. And I have a wedding to go to in three weeks with people I have not seen in ten years. Now is the time to panic people!! I sort of have my blood pressure under control so I am going back on the diet. If even for a week, I need that quick infusion of getting the weight I have recently put on, off. I have not stepped on the scale.....it sits in my bathroom, taunting me. Sometimes I rest my feet on it whilst sitting on the loo, and pretend the numbers I see on the scale are my actual weight. Sigh.  I will step on it tomorrow, and I suspect it will be pretty. Pretty scary. As for my Vegas list; so far I have accomplished hair growth. And my feet look nice. Wait...I just noticed a polish chip on one toe nail. Rats....put that one back on the list. I better pop one more Easter egg and go have a nap. All this typing has pooped me out.

Everything Old Is New Again. Or Just Get Rid Of It

Just came back from a speedwalk with 2 friends and three dogs. Stopped at Starbucks and did not, I repeat did not have a crack latte. Iced green tea half sweet for me, amigas! It is always such wonderful incentive to know that you will be in a swimsuit surrounded by strangers! But I have been eating whatever the heck I feel like and really enjoying it. It has cost me two pounds. Time to get serious....seriously.


Speaking of serious, I have seriously been looking at all of the crap that is in my house. It is once again spring, and I feel the urge to purge. I am tired of opening closets and having stuff fall out on me. Fed up with shoving things under the beds to store them. Tired of looking in every drawer, nook and cranny to find that I have so much stuff in them, but can find nothing. So it is time to get real, and clean out the old. It is sometimes fun to have a full closet. But in reality, I only wear about 10% of it. And I am usually pretty good about getting rid of anything I haven't worn in a year. I am really good with the kids, as it helps them be more organized and neat if they are not struggling through clothes that no longer fit their growing bodies. But looking at my own closet, I need to do something. I have 100 pairs of thongs. 55 bras. Some from when my boobs were 2 sizes smaller. I have pants and dresses that are simply no longer part of my everyday life. If I have somewhere special to go, I will usually buy something new and trendy to wear. Cosmetic bags, hand creams, old receipts, magazines, extra extra guest towels. Why keep all that stuff? PURGE I say!! So today, I will clean out the old, get rid of the old, recycle the old. And maybe some of that old will seem new again.